“That Just Means That” Pattern

The “that just mean that” pattern is a pace and lead pattern.

This pattern uses the phrase “that just mean that” to link two pacing statements to a leading statement containing our desired outcome.

The two pacing statements contain verifiable or self evident facts while the leading statement is what we want the other person to believe or do.

The two pacing statements condition the other person to accept the leading statement.

The pattern looks like this:

The “that just means that” pattern looks like this in operation:

The pattern looks like this:

Another example of the “that just means that” pattern in action:

The pattern looks like this:

Give it a try, and you’ll realize that anyone can have great powers of persuasion.

Whatever you Think you are, You are Greater than that

Awareness Patterns

Awareness Patterns uses words like:

     • Notice

     • See
     • Realize
     • Aware.

People tend to pre-suppose everything that follows these Awareness Pattern words to be true. Our attention is drawn to the part of the statement preceding the Awareness Pattern word, leaving the part after the Awareness Pattern unscrutinized.

Are you aware that people often assume that whatever is stated after the word “notice” is true, and therefore rarely question it?

Have you noticed how we seldom question what we were told when it comes after the word “see”?

Do you notice that anything prefixed by the word “realize” is usually taken to be the truth without question?
   

 
Do you realize that people automatically take what is stated after the word “aware” to be true?

Using the Awareness Pattern lets you bypass resistance.

Try it, because you will have fun.

Agreement Frame

The Agreement Frame is a linguistic pattern that enables us to elegantly disagree with and convince someone without breaking rapport.

The key words to use are “I agree” plus “and”.

The Agreement Frame pattern looks like this.

 
We start by stating “I agree”, then we state the other person’s model of the world i.e. perspective of the situation. Next we state “and”, followed by our own desired outcome, and end by stating the other person’s desired outcome.

The Agreement Frame avoids resistance from others, keeps others involved in what we are saying, and leaves them open to new ideas.

When we use the phrase “I agree”, the other person’s mind switches to a receptive state to hear how we agree with them. This receptive state also makes them more open to our suggestion.

Should we instead use the phrase “I disagree”, the other person’s mind instantly switches to a defensive state. Instead of listening to our suggestion, their minds will be pre-occupied with how to counter our proposal. Such a situation is hardly conducive to getting co-operation from others.

The secret of the Agreement Frame lies in the use of rapport. Using the Agreement Frame, we verbally pace the person we are communicating with, and then lead him to where we want the communication to go.

We illustrate the Agreement Frame in action with the following situation, something that often happens at the office.

In our example above, the subordinate’s response is likely to displease his supervisor.

The subordinate could have achieved his desired outcome elegantly - going home for the day - in such a way that his supervisor was more likely to feel agreeable, simply by wrapping an Agreement Frame around his disagreement as in the following example:

In this case, the subordinate had used the Agreement Frame. Let’s break down the language pattern of what the subordinate said:

The subordinate’s communication has the two key pacing elements – “I agree” plus “and”.

By agreeing with part of his supervisor’s communication, the subordinate begins to pace his supervisor by acknowledging her model of the world.

The subordinate then continues to pace his supervisor by using the “and” part of the agreement frame.

The “and” is followed by switching to leading the supervisor in the direction of his desired outcome i.e. to go home.

Finally, the frame ends with the subordinate repeating the supervisor’s desired outcome, which is to complete the work.

The Agreement Frame wraps neatly around any negative in such a way that overall the communication is received in a positive light, like a juicy hamburger.

Give it a try, because you will have fun.

Every Problem can be Solved

NLP Communication Model

NLP Eye Accessing Cues

It has been said that "the eyes are the mirror of the soul."

Richard Bandler and John Grinder developed a system known in NLP as Eye Accessing Cues that allows us to see inside a person’s mind through her eye movements.

Grinder and Bandler discovered that people involuntarily move their eyes in certain directions as they are accessing information. They noticed that people who were visual tended to look up when accessing their thoughts; auditory people tended to look sideways; and kinesthetic people tended to look down.

The following picture shows the six possible eye movement directions for a right-handed person as you look at them. For left-handed people, the chart is reversed.

The eye movement patterns are explained in greater detail below.

 

This is what you would see if you asked someone to "Imagine a pink elephant in a yellow polka dot skirt”. The person is "Visually Constructing" a pink elephant in a yellow polka dot skirt in her mind.

 

This would be the direction of their eye movement, if you asked someone "What did you eat during lunch yesterday?" The person is "Visually Recalling" what she had for lunch yesterday.

If you asked someone "What would you sound like, if you had Donald Duck’s voice”, this would be the direction of their eye movement. This eye movement indicates “Auditory Construct”. In her mind she is imagining and creating the sound of herself speaking like Donald Duck.

If you asked someone "Can you remember the sound of your father’s voice?” this would be the direction of their eye movement while recalling the sound. This eye movement indicates “Auditory Recall”.

This eye movement indicates a Feeling / Kinesthetic is being created. If you ask someone "What would it feel like to touch a hot stove with your finger?” this would be the direction of their eye movement while they recall the sharp pain of their finger touching a hot stove.

This is the direction of someone's eyes when they are engaged in "Internal Dialogue” or self talk.

How can we use NLP eye accessing cues?

One common use is to establish rapport by noticing where the person's eyes go. If they do a lot of side to side movement which is in the auditory plane, you can use more auditory words in your conversation. If they do a lot of movement in the visual plane, you can use more visual words in your conversation.

Depending upon where their eyes move, you can respond in kind by matching the predicates (nouns, verbs, adverbs) in either visual, auditory or kinesthetic terms. You will have huge rapport with them as you will be speaking with them in their own language. This is called pacing their eye accessing cues.

Eye accessing cues can also be used to determine how truthful or congruent a person is being.

Let's say your child asks you for a candy bar, and you ask them "well, what did your father say?" As they reply "Daddy said... yes" they look to the left (as you look at the child). This would indicate a made up answer as their eyes are showing a "constructed” image or sound. Looking to the right would indicate a "remembered" voice or image, and thus would be telling the truth.

Change Makes Change

Genuine Understanding Comes Only with Experience

The Moonwalking Bear and the Reticular Activating System

Click on this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47LCLoidJh4

Did you see the moonwalking bear on the first viewing? Most people don’t.

What happened? How did most people miss the BIG moonwalking bear?

The secret lies in the workings of our Reticular Activation System or RAS. It is the part of our brain that automatically filters out what we consider unimportant to us, and brings to our attention, things that we consider important to us.

Because of the way our RAS works, we will see what we are focusing on (consider important) but will miss even BIG things like the moonwalking bear, if we are not focusing on it.

The way our RAS works has far reaching implications on the success or failure in all areas of our lives e.g. relationships, health, wealth, career etc.

Take the area of relationships.

Though it is pivotal to our life long happiness, many people leave the choice of their life partner to chance or “fate”.

They have no clear criteria of what traits and qualities their ideal partners should have. They are looking for someone out there, somewhere out there, but with little or no idea what that person should be like. It is little wonder then that people often ended up with no one out there, or the wrong one.

Without knowing what we are looking for, even when a suitable partner appears, s/he will pass invisibly by, like the BIG moonwalking bear.

So, what should we do? Our RAS will not change its ways. It has been this way for millions of years.

Fortunately, it is easy to get our RAS to work for us, without having to change its ways.

You just need to give your RAS clear, specific instructions. Your RAS is very obedient and totally loyal.

You just need to program your RAS with the specific emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual traits, qualities and characteristics that you want in your ideal partner. A powerful way to program your RAS is to write down your goals, in this case, the kind of person you want in a life partner.

Review and refine your criteria regularly. Doing so will hammer your criteria into your RAS.

With this program, your RAS will work dutifully for you, bringing to you candidates who meet your set criteria.

Give it a try, and Good Luck. (Luck is when opportunity meets preparation. More on this, another time.)

There is No Such Thing as Failure, Only Feedback

The "Four Magic Questions" Pattern

The “Four Magic Questions” is a rapport building pattern.

The four questions are asked in the following order.

Question 1. Imagine yourself in a white room. Everything is white. How do you feel?

 

 
Question 2. What is your favorite color? How does it make you feel when you think about it?
 

 

Question 3. What is your favorite animal? What qualities do you see it as having?

 

 

Question 4. Imagine yourself on a beach. Nobody is around, and the ocean is right in front of you. What do you do?
 
You then reframe the subject’s answers to the first 3 questions into statements about who they are as a person on a deep level.


Answer 1. This is how they view death, dying and mortality.

Answer 2. This is how they view themselves.

Answer 3. This is how their friends view them.


They will be surprised to hear things about themselves that they didn't know themselves.

The first 3 questions are generic, easy to reframe, easy to get right, and to get the subject amazed at how uncannily “accurate” your answers are.

They feel you know them at a deeper level. The change in their physiology will be huge (which you can pace to match for greater effect). You would have huge rapport by the time you get to question 4. Because you have been “right” for the last 3 statements, the gate is opened to reframe the last answer with leading assumptions instead of pacing, and they’ll follow.

Answer 4. This is how they view love.

Here is an example to illustrate the pattern.

Magic Question 1

Magic Question 2

Magic Question 3

Magic Question 4

Give it a try, because you will have fun.

The Person with the Most Flexibility has the Most Influence in the System

Writing our Personal Goals is a POWERFUL Way to Trigger our Reticular Activating System (RAS)

Our Reticular Activating System (or RAS) is the part of our brain that functions like a doorman to our conscious mind.

Our doorman/RAS decides, from among the countless stimuli we are constantly bombarded by, which ones make it into our conscious mind.

Only stimuli admitted into our conscious mind “exist” and get acted upon. Those left outside our conscious mind by our RAS, do not “exist”.

Our RAS decides what goes into our conscious mind through a set of screening criteria that we give it, either purposefully or by default

How does it work?

Ever bought a new outfit and suddenly see it everywhere, even though you never noticed it before? That is because your RAS now included the outfit in its screening criteria. Any information matching your new outfit will be let into your conscious mind, making you notice it more.

The good news is, once we understand how our RAS works, we can make it work for us.

Writing our personal goals is a POWERFUL way to set the screening criteria for our RAS.

The next time you're in New York City’s Planet Hollywood, look out for Bruce Lee’s letter to himself among the movie memorabilia on exhibition.

Bruce Lee’s letter and his achievements is a good example of the POWER of writing one’s personal goals.

It’s not important to understand how we'll achieve our goals when you first set them down on paper. Rest assured that our RAS will alert us on what we need to know along the way.

When we repeatedly think about, write and re-write a goal, our mind focuses on it and starts working for it on other levels as well.

We will become aware of related matters and needed resources which are important to the goal. These things are overlooked or not given any attention, if we had not written the goal down.

Give it a try.

Write your goals like Bruce Lee.

It worked for Bruce Lee and many other successful people, and it’ll work wonders for you too.

Change Can be Quick, Easy and Lasting

Reticular Activating System (RAS)

Our mind is constantly bombarded by a great due of information received by our senses (visual, auditory, taste, smell, and touch). Fortunately, we are equipped with a Reticular Activating System (or RAS) that filters these sensory information. Without our RAS, we would simply be overwhelmed by information overload.

The RAS works by filtering all sensory information we receive, and channelling them into either our unconscious or conscious mind.

We are able to act on only those information that are currently in our conscious mind. The capacity of our conscious mind is limited, while that of our unconscious mind is unlimited.

How does our RAS sort information into our conscious and unconscious minds?

Our beliefs, attitudes, values, and conditioning act as the filters in our RAS.

Everything deemed irrelevant by our filters, “disappears” into our unconscious. They become “unseen” by us.

What do I mean?

Lets say, you bought a new car that is red. All of a sudden, every other car you see on the road is red.

It’s not that red cars suddenly appear everwhere once you drive a red car; it’s just that you didn’t notice them before. Before you got your red car, any red cars your eyes picked up “disappeared” into your unconscious mind, thanks to your RAS.

When you became a red car owner, red cars become relevant to you, and your RAS sends the visual information on red cars to your conscious mind. Suddenly, red cars are everywhere!

The red cars were always there, it’s just that you didn’t see them. They were (previously) unseen by you.

When you think about it, the same principle applies to other things in our lives like success, money, love, happiness. If you are not focusing on them, they “disappear” into your unconscious mind. Like the red cars, they have always been there, they are just unseen by you.

So, what is the implication of this insight?

For all the good things that you want in life, set your filters to focus on them so that your RAS will channel them to your conscious mind. Only then, can your conscious mind operate on them to turn them into reality.

Setting goals is one of the best ways to set our RAS filters.

For example, singles wishing to find a life partner can define in detail the qualities that they would like in their dream partner. Define what s/he would be like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Those who tune their RAS with what their dream partner is like, will not miss the opportunity when their MR/MS Right turns up in their life.

For those who have no idea what their MR/MS Right is supposed to be like, s/he will be invisible to them, even if s/he shows up in their life.

What other goals can you think of to set your RAS?

Use the wonders of our RAS wisely, and there will not be another missed opportunity or running into treacherous rocks because we are unconscious of them.

If Something Doesn't Work Try Something Else

Look for Something Good in it.

When we suffer a setback, do not just dwell on negative thoughts. Adopt the attitude that there is always something good in everything that happens to us.

Reframe the setback.

Ask, "In what context would this setback have value?" "What else does this setback mean?" "In what way, could this setback be positive or a resource?"

One day, Simon Purchall fell off his bicycle on his way to work. He fell so hard on his face that several of his teeth were broken. He needed a major operation to repair his broken teeth. It was a dark day for Purchall.

Purchall’s day got even darker when he enquired about the cost of the dental operation needed to get his teeth fixed. It required a king’s ransom of over ₤20,000. Purchall could not afford such a princely sum of money.

Purchall’s wife Veronika, who was from Hungary, suggested to her husband to check out the dentists from her native Budapest. Taking up his wife’s suggestion, Purchall found that he could get his teeth fixed in Budapest for just ₤4,000. His day started to get brighter.

Purchall’s star got even brighter when he took the step to get his teeth fixed in Budapest. It turned out that the standard of service and expertise of dentists in Hungary were no different from those in the UK, though they provide the service at a mere fraction of the UK cost.

The Purchall family then asked themselves the reframing question, “In what context would this event have value?” It then hit upon the Purchalls that they could set up a company to arrange dental services in Hungary for British residents.

The couple started a company called SmileSavers Hungary which quickly became a beaming success.

Today, Purchall and his wife enjoy a wealthy lifestyle thanks to the cycling accident that broke Purchall’s teeth, and the reframing that turned his fortune from black to white to gold!

What is reframing all about?

If we view something as negative, the message we sent to our brain is negative and unresourceful. Our brain then produces states that turn our negative thoughts into reality.

If we change our frame of reference by looking at the same situation from a different point of view, looking for the positive in it, we can change the way we respond in life.

We can change our representation or view about anything, and in a moment change our states and behaviors, and hence our lives - like the Purchalls.

So, whenever something negative happens to us, look for the positive in it. It may be a golden opportunity knocking on our door.

That is reframing in a nutshell.