“That Just Means That” Pattern

The “that just mean that” pattern is a pace and lead pattern.

This pattern uses the phrase “that just mean that” to link two pacing statements to a leading statement containing our desired outcome.

The two pacing statements contain verifiable or self evident facts while the leading statement is what we want the other person to believe or do.

The two pacing statements condition the other person to accept the leading statement.

The pattern looks like this:

The “that just means that” pattern looks like this in operation:

The pattern looks like this:

Another example of the “that just means that” pattern in action:

The pattern looks like this:

Give it a try, and you’ll realize that anyone can have great powers of persuasion.

Awareness Patterns

Awareness Patterns uses words like:

     • Notice

     • See
     • Realize
     • Aware.

People tend to pre-suppose everything that follows these Awareness Pattern words to be true. Our attention is drawn to the part of the statement preceding the Awareness Pattern word, leaving the part after the Awareness Pattern unscrutinized.

Are you aware that people often assume that whatever is stated after the word “notice” is true, and therefore rarely question it?

Have you noticed how we seldom question what we were told when it comes after the word “see”?

Do you notice that anything prefixed by the word “realize” is usually taken to be the truth without question?
   

 
Do you realize that people automatically take what is stated after the word “aware” to be true?

Using the Awareness Pattern lets you bypass resistance.

Try it, because you will have fun.

Agreement Frame

The Agreement Frame is a linguistic pattern that enables us to elegantly disagree with and convince someone without breaking rapport.

The key words to use are “I agree” plus “and”.

The Agreement Frame pattern looks like this.

 
We start by stating “I agree”, then we state the other person’s model of the world i.e. perspective of the situation. Next we state “and”, followed by our own desired outcome, and end by stating the other person’s desired outcome.

The Agreement Frame avoids resistance from others, keeps others involved in what we are saying, and leaves them open to new ideas.

When we use the phrase “I agree”, the other person’s mind switches to a receptive state to hear how we agree with them. This receptive state also makes them more open to our suggestion.

Should we instead use the phrase “I disagree”, the other person’s mind instantly switches to a defensive state. Instead of listening to our suggestion, their minds will be pre-occupied with how to counter our proposal. Such a situation is hardly conducive to getting co-operation from others.

The secret of the Agreement Frame lies in the use of rapport. Using the Agreement Frame, we verbally pace the person we are communicating with, and then lead him to where we want the communication to go.

We illustrate the Agreement Frame in action with the following situation, something that often happens at the office.

In our example above, the subordinate’s response is likely to displease his supervisor.

The subordinate could have achieved his desired outcome elegantly - going home for the day - in such a way that his supervisor was more likely to feel agreeable, simply by wrapping an Agreement Frame around his disagreement as in the following example:

In this case, the subordinate had used the Agreement Frame. Let’s break down the language pattern of what the subordinate said:

The subordinate’s communication has the two key pacing elements – “I agree” plus “and”.

By agreeing with part of his supervisor’s communication, the subordinate begins to pace his supervisor by acknowledging her model of the world.

The subordinate then continues to pace his supervisor by using the “and” part of the agreement frame.

The “and” is followed by switching to leading the supervisor in the direction of his desired outcome i.e. to go home.

Finally, the frame ends with the subordinate repeating the supervisor’s desired outcome, which is to complete the work.

The Agreement Frame wraps neatly around any negative in such a way that overall the communication is received in a positive light, like a juicy hamburger.

Give it a try, because you will have fun.

The "Four Magic Questions" Pattern

The “Four Magic Questions” is a rapport building pattern.

The four questions are asked in the following order.

Question 1. Imagine yourself in a white room. Everything is white. How do you feel?

 

 
Question 2. What is your favorite color? How does it make you feel when you think about it?
 

 

Question 3. What is your favorite animal? What qualities do you see it as having?

 

 

Question 4. Imagine yourself on a beach. Nobody is around, and the ocean is right in front of you. What do you do?
 
You then reframe the subject’s answers to the first 3 questions into statements about who they are as a person on a deep level.


Answer 1. This is how they view death, dying and mortality.

Answer 2. This is how they view themselves.

Answer 3. This is how their friends view them.


They will be surprised to hear things about themselves that they didn't know themselves.

The first 3 questions are generic, easy to reframe, easy to get right, and to get the subject amazed at how uncannily “accurate” your answers are.

They feel you know them at a deeper level. The change in their physiology will be huge (which you can pace to match for greater effect). You would have huge rapport by the time you get to question 4. Because you have been “right” for the last 3 statements, the gate is opened to reframe the last answer with leading assumptions instead of pacing, and they’ll follow.

Answer 4. This is how they view love.

Here is an example to illustrate the pattern.

Magic Question 1

Magic Question 2

Magic Question 3

Magic Question 4

Give it a try, because you will have fun.

“Because” is a Magic Word

The humble word “because” has magical powers of persuasion.

When you need people to agree to your request, always back up your request with a reason, and add the word “because” before stating your reason.

A few years ago, I was in Heathrow Airport to catch a flight to Paris. A lady colleague and I had arrived early at the airport. The check in was smooth and without a hitch. With our documents in order and luggage checked in, we were free to relax.

With two hours to kill, we walked to the airport hotel lounge nearby to chill. The hours passed pleasantly. When it was close to boarding time, we strolled casually back to the departure hall.

At the departure hall, we were horrified to see a long snaking queue of at least 1,000 people waiting in line ahead of us for security clearance. It immediately dawned on us that we would definitely miss our flight, if we waited in line for the security clearance.

A desperate situation, called for desperate action.

We dashed down the line, telling the people in line: “Please let us through, because we are going to miss our flight”. We repeated the plea more than a dozen times till we reached the front of the queue.

We repeated our plea to the security officers: “Please let us through, because we are going to miss our flight”. They checked our carry on bags briskly, and let us through promptly.

Once passed security, I told my colleague that I will dash ahead to the boarding area about 500 metres away to hold the aircraft. Taking off her high heels, she ran after me barefooted.

When we reached the boarding area, all the other passengers were already in the plane and we were the last ones to get on the aircraft.

My colleague and I had unknowingly used the “power of because”.

We made it in the nick of time, because we used the word “because”.

Unknown to us at the time, the “magic of because” was already well-documented by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer. In 1989, Langer conducted an experiment where she asked collaborators to jump the queue in a line of people waiting to use a well patronised photocopy machine.

Langer tested three different ways of making the same request.

In the first situation, the collaborators asked: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?”

They got an OK, 60% of the time.

In the second situation, the collaborators asked: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?”

They got an OK, 94% of the time.

In the third situation, the collaborators asked: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies?”

Even though the reason provided sounded unconvincing, amazingly, they got an OK nearly the same number of times as in the second situation. 93% said OK.

By providing a reason  —  and by simply using the magic word “because”  —  Langer dramatically improved the compliance rate. More surprising is the fact that, in the case of situation three, it didn’t matter what specific reason was given. Surely making copies is the most unconvincing reason to cut in the copying line!

The magic word “because” apparently triggered an automatic response in the people in the queue.

So the next time you need to make a request, remember to use the “because” pattern. Follow the three parts to the “because” pattern, and you will greatly increase your powers of persuasion.

The first part is a command. Often it is a subtle command (conversational postulate), couched as a polite request: “May I use the Xerox machine…….”

The second part is the magic word “because”.

The third part is your reason: “I have to make copies”.

If you use this pattern the other’s unconscious mind simply hears the word “because” and is programmed to understand that there is a reason. After the magic word “because” any reason seems to do.

Of course, a good reason is the best, but even if you think your reason is hardly compelling, Langer’s research suggests that people are more likely to oblige than if you had not given them any reason at all.

Give it a try, because you will have fun.

Leading Pattern